Lesson 3.4: Angry Patients, Difficult Relatives, and Self-Discharge
Anger in a clinical setting is almost always driven by fear, grief, or a feeling of being let down. If you understand this, your instinct to become defensive dissolves, and so does the anger, usually.
De-escalation Framework
- Stop. Do not respond to anger with defensiveness, logic, or interruption.
- Acknowledge the feeling first: "I can see you are really angry and upset, and I want to understand why."
- Let them speak. Do not interrupt. Ask open questions: 'What has happened from your point of view?'
- Validate the underlying concern: "Your concern about your mother's care is completely understandable."
- Apologise for the experience, not necessarily for the action: "I'm sorry you have been left feeling like this."
- Problem-solve together: "Let me find out what happened and what we can do."
- Signpost PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) if a formal complaint is appropriate.
| Never Say | Why |
|---|---|
| "Calm down." | This tells the patient their feelings are not valid. |
| "I understand how you feel." | You don't — and they know it. |
| "There is nothing I can do." | There is always something — even if it is just listening. |
| Defending the team while the patient is still in the emotional phase. | Listen fully first. Facts and explanations come after the emotion is acknowledged. |
Common Scenarios
| Scenario | Key Approach |
|---|---|
| Patient demanding antibiotics for a viral URTI | Acknowledge the misery first: 'A week of this is exhausting.' Examine the patient. Then explain clearly why antibiotics will not help, and would actively cause harm. Offer a clear self-care plan and specific safety-netting. Do not prescribe to end a difficult consultation. Hold your ground professionally and kindly. |
| Angry son about his mother's care | Listen fully without defending the team. Acknowledge: 'I'm sorry your mother and you have been through this experience.' Investigate his specific concerns. Explain what you can share (within confidentiality). Offer PALS. Follow up: 'I will speak with the team today and ensure someone contacts you by [time].' |
The Patient Who Wants to Self-Discharge
This is both an ethics challenge (autonomy vs beneficence) and a communication challenge. The approach is the same regardless of why the patient is leaving.
- Assess capacity: can the patient understand, retain, weigh, and communicate? If yes, they have the legal right to leave.
- Explore the reason: "I respect your right to leave — I just want to understand what is driving this. Is there anything we could do to make things better here?"
- Explain the specific risks, not vaguely, but concretely: "If you leave with an untreated infection in your heart valve, there is a serious risk of stroke or death within days."
- Offer alternatives: could they return tomorrow? Could a relative accompany them?
- If they still wish to leave: ask them to sign a self-discharge (Against Medical Advice) form. This is not punitive — it documents that they were informed.
- Safety-net generously: "If you develop a high fever, severe pain, or feel faint — please come straight back or call 999. Your life is important to us."
- Document: capacity assessment, advice given, risks explained, patient's decision.
If the patient clearly lacks capacity at that moment — severe intoxication, acute psychosis, severe confusion — you may be justified in temporarily delaying their departure while senior help is sought. This must involve your senior immediately and is governed by the MCA best-interests framework, not personal judgement.
PALS and the Complaints Process
| Route | What It Is |
|---|---|
| PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) | Informal resolution, advice, and signposting within the trust. Every NHS trust has a PALS team. First point of contact for most complaints. |
| Formal NHS complaint | Must be acknowledged within 3 working days. Full response within 25 working days for most NHS providers. |
| Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman (PHSO) | If the patient is unsatisfied with the trust's response, they may escalate to PHSO. |